Friday, October 2, 2009

Friend for BJ

I have been thinking of BJ just now. Was chatting with my friend Wanda. She shared something that made me reflect on BJ's current condition. The importance of having a friend that really hears - that really listens. Do you have someone in your life that you can bare your soul? Yes, the Lord can be your best friend, if you let him, but is there a physically, living, breathing, human being that you trust with what's in your heart? That person that won't cut you off with their practicality, or rush to smooth over your hurts, frustrations, and confusions with the typical phrase "I'm praying for you, trust the Lord." You know the drill, its what I call "listen, I've-got-no-time-to-listen-to-you,- so-I'll-wrap-this-conversation-up-right-now,-got-things-to-do," in disguise.

OK. So we didn't talk about that last part, but it sure has me thinking about BJ. (In fact, I suggested she write a blog about it). After the demise of my "mind affair," I was able to take notice of my son. There is so much in his life I know he doesn't feel he can talk to me about. I can understand that. It starts with being a woman. I don't even have to get to the part about occasionally exibiting control freakish behavior, and a little bit more of the same, and a little bit more.... OK, so I am working on that. Sometimes I just don't know when I'm being too over the top, or too lenient with him. At times I just laugh, because I know the Lord will have the final say and the enemy will not win. I find lots of relief in being able to do that - I really don't know what I'm doing. I'm sure it will be so much easier with Matthew and Alex as they come up into their young adulthood. I'm sad for BJ that he is the prototype of trial and error; learning the hard way with my son.

He needs to be around a man that can really understand him. Someone he is willing to open up to. His dad is not in a relationship with him. They hardly speak. There is so much that I can share with him that can help him, and encourage him, but remember - I'm a woman. That doesn't stop me from sharing and being there. Its these seeds being planted now that he will absorb later. I think about right now. There is a pastor that I met who would like to play basketball with BJ. I have heard wonderful things about him, and his story would allow BJ to connect with him - fast. He is an excellent teacher. I just need to get the ball rolling. There I go again. (Occasional control freak flare up - anxiety driven). God will put the time and place together. He hasn't forgotten. At least I am awake now. That glaze that satan dangled over my eyes is gone. I can pray for BJ.

Went to the library yesterday and picked up Quiet Strength, by Tony Dungy (), for BJ. I started reading it at the kitchen table last night; its written in a way that allows me to instantly can connect with his message. As (former) head coach of the Indianapolis Colts, he experienced huge trajedy in losing his oldest son to suicide, a year shy of his team winning the super bowl. Through that experience he was able to put together a book about what it takes to be a real hero.

BJ has huge dreams, and I believe God puts certain desires in our hearts, so we can look to Him for them. He loves to bless us with our hearts desire (when it lines up with what he has for us). I believe BJ can be a great basketball or football player that God can use to fulfill His plans. I believe his shyness can become God's boldness. He will be courageous, fearless, honest, and consumed with power; BJ's continual access to the Father will reap just that. I believe this book will spark a desire to do that. I have been prompted to get it, for the past two years; its time I obeyed.

He just needs to start reading it.

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