“Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of earth you will again bring me up.” (Psalm 71:20). The Lord revealed that verse to me in the early days of my rescue from a nine year, emotionally abusive marriage- what a comfort it brought to my soul. I didn’t know what it meant to have an enemy until marriage; pretty depressing. In fact, I was numb, for so many years waiting on the Lord to rescue me. Is it OK to leave? I wish he would hit me, then others would understand, and help me. Every silent treatment, harsh word, betrayal, and put down turned what was once a carefree child of God, into a stone wall with a fake smile.
My journey to freedom began in 2004, and to this very day God is restoring me to have a whole heart. My three boys inspired me to break what could have been a vicious cycle of abuse. Leaving, ended it. My first place of refuge was a condo nestled in this beautiful complex surrounded by oak trees. The view from my lanai was that of a waterfall in the center of a pond! I had always dreamed of having a room with a view. Each night I gazed at the light at the base of the waterfall, which made for an amazing display.
I received wonderful gifts from friends that year, which mostly consisted of roses. I purchased items to decorate my new room, and noticed that many of them contained roses. I knew that there was symbolism in it, and the Lord wanted to encourage me in it. So here is what I learned when I did some digging: "Usually a rose symbolizes beauty, love and passion. The thorns are a reminder that love can also be painful. For example, there may be sharp disagreements, separation, disloyalty, and other hurtful events. Another, related meaning is warmth of personality, compassion. " In spite of all my junk, I am still beautiful, full of love and passion. But hold on there, that love and passion part - I am single now and want nothing to do with premature romance. I want to marry again some day, but I won't date now. I trust God to pick my husband, for me. Instead of me looking for the right man, I desire the Lord to make into the "right" woman. So in further digging, I found this meaning - Bud of rose: Unopened flower of a rose. I am a rosebud. Marriage will turn me into a rose. In fact, I'll be a rosebush after marriage! Hee! Hee!
I love music, any kind of music (accept for country and heavy metal)! I always dreamed of singing, but I can only pull that off in the shower. I love to worship the Lord. I love songs that bring me closer to the heart of God. Something amazing happens when we worship Him. I know that I can gain access to the Lord; I have become receptive to hear what He wants to communicate to me. So how I can create a musical if I have no singing ability? Although I can make a joyful noise, I naturally muse - think about something in a deep and serious or dreamy and abstracted way; to say something in a thoughtful or questioning way.
I know its corny, but its all me, and God through me! He gave me that idea you know. As you travel on this journey with me, I may weave in and out of the past - not to punish myself, but to share what I have learned from it. I will drop in a line from a song as often as I can, as well as a verse the Lord will send to me. I want to share as passionately as a beautiful singer, can sing!
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