Hunger

"As for the rest of you, dear brothers and sisters, never get tired of doing good." 2 Thess 3:13 (NLT)

Read a story that haunted me. Children adopted by a family in New Jersey were starved and treated cruelly for ten years. The oldest boy was found digging in a neighbors trash for food. At the age of 19 he weighed only 45 pounds and stood tall at only 4 feet. I can't imagine what kind of sight that was. The discovery (in 2006) brought the trajedy to an abrupt halt with the arrest of the adopted parents. The kids are now thriving in the care of new family as the oldest gains independence in a group home.

The survival of these boys is just miraculous - they never had access to the pad locked refrigerator, never eating cooked meals, but the grains of grits, dry batter of pancake mix, and canned food. Maybe they would eat once or twice per day, but with a time limit. Two or three minutes would be all they had to inhale the "meal" or it will be forcibly removed from their hands and thrown out. Bite marks adorned the walls of that home offering the secret of how they curbed their hunger.

This family had children of their own that they loved and cared for. Why did they adopt children only to hate them? That kind of cruelty, in this country and this day just breaks my heart.

This passion is stirring up in me to do something. Its always been there. Sometimes we may think the need of the entire world - human suffering, is too overwhelming. How can one person do anything? Satan lies like that. He makes us think that the little things we do, won't make a dent.

I heard about a common practice of Darlene Zschech that she does with the Hillsongs worship team, before they minister. They look up verses and research statistics on world hunger. They do this to keep their hearts tender, to remind themselves of why they do what they do.

I was recently challenged to come up with a 45 second punch line, to tell someone who I am, what I'm doing, and where I'm going. I know the crux of it comes from Micah 6:8 "He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."

I seek to feed the hungry, clothe the naked, set free the captives, and give sight to the blind. God is cultivating every dream, skill and occupation, in my life in order to fulfill the purposes He's burning into my heart.

"That Key Lookin' Thing"

"Mercy Triumps Over Judgement...Those who show mercy are shown mercy..."

Those words set to soothing tunes and the melodic voice of Julie True set the atmosphere, for a unique reaction to what I call - mini shock.

I'm working. I decide that I need to venture to the ladies room. I'm talking with my dad on my cell as I return to my desk. The hues once softly dimmed is loud and flourescent. My bags are raised from the floor and sitting on my chair and my desk (I carry lots of bags). As I try to say bye to Pop, I see my flash drive in pieces on the corner of my desk. I don't know how to react in that moment. I'm trying to wrap up the conversation, as I try to figure out what could have happened in the 10 minutes I've been gone. Did I do that? No, I wasn't here. What happened? There's 3 years of my life on that thing, what happened!!!

Someone comes in to break the news. "Something got caught in George's machine as he tried to vacuum your office. I heard this loud clackety, clack noise that wouldn't stop. He took a long time to turn off the machine. He wanted me to tell you that he got that "key looking thing out, for you. He said he didn't think it was that important." Revealing the true identity of that key drew collective gasps, mixed with raised eyebrows, occasional disbelief and sympathy.

That flash drive was like my memory, but when I was asked of the contents, I didn't dare go there. "I don't even want to tell you what was on it." I knew it would make me anxious, worried and angry. The lanyard attached to the flash drive, was sucked into the vaccuum and the "key" obediently followed venturing into the realm of the unknown, to the untimely fate of disintegeration. Alas, its remains lie in a ziploc baggy awaiting possible surgery.

So the neat and unexpected thing in all this? I could have been really mad at George. In that moment all I could do was laugh. He clearly didn't know what a flash drive was, or its value. I'm sure I could tell him in the future, but I'm just eager to move on. What? No whining? No bemoaning? It felt so good to extend this mercy. As soon as I decided to move on, I did. The enemy wanted anger, but that incident didn't steal my joy. I so need God's mercy, I just kept hearing that song playing in my head, and my spirit grabbed hold of it. It was my opportunity to put what I received to the test. It wasn't as a painful as my flesh wanted it to be. The great news in this trajedy? - you can come eat off my office floor - its that clean!

New Season - The Best is Yet to Come

"those who hope in me will not be disappointed." (Isaiah 49:23) NIV

I have to laugh at my last post a bit. BJ wasn't even trying to read that Tony Dungy book. Its been a while since I ventured here; so much has transpired over the past few weeks, you'd have to be in regular contact with me to learn all the details.

I realized that at his age, BJ has reached there is not much forcing I can inflict, in terms of specific items he should read unless he is receptive; interested. I can remove those items from the home that would be harmful to him, but as much as I want him to be inspired by someone he may not physically meet, the best way for him to receive that is through a physical, tangible, human being. I am comforted in knowing that BJ has been brought up to love the Lord with all his heart, all his soul, all his mind, and all his strength. He has been brought up to love his neighbor as much as he loves himself. In all that BJ has learned, it is time that he make choices to continue to follow in the ways of the Lord, or take a round about way of experience, to bring him back to where he began.

There have been seasons in which people have influenced and encouraged us. There were about two from BJ's past, who had a huge impact on him; he truly admired and respected these men. They took time to get to know him and were involved in his interests and developed a real relationship with him. With the changing of the seasons people will move in and out, and for the most part, the moving out can be permanent.

So, with great expectation, I look forward to his new season of Heroes.

Friend for BJ

I have been thinking of BJ just now. Was chatting with my friend Wanda. She shared something that made me reflect on BJ's current condition. The importance of having a friend that really hears - that really listens. Do you have someone in your life that you can bare your soul? Yes, the Lord can be your best friend, if you let him, but is there a physically, living, breathing, human being that you trust with what's in your heart? That person that won't cut you off with their practicality, or rush to smooth over your hurts, frustrations, and confusions with the typical phrase "I'm praying for you, trust the Lord." You know the drill, its what I call "listen, I've-got-no-time-to-listen-to-you,- so-I'll-wrap-this-conversation-up-right-now,-got-things-to-do," in disguise.

OK. So we didn't talk about that last part, but it sure has me thinking about BJ. (In fact, I suggested she write a blog about it). After the demise of my "mind affair," I was able to take notice of my son. There is so much in his life I know he doesn't feel he can talk to me about. I can understand that. It starts with being a woman. I don't even have to get to the part about occasionally exibiting control freakish behavior, and a little bit more of the same, and a little bit more.... OK, so I am working on that. Sometimes I just don't know when I'm being too over the top, or too lenient with him. At times I just laugh, because I know the Lord will have the final say and the enemy will not win. I find lots of relief in being able to do that - I really don't know what I'm doing. I'm sure it will be so much easier with Matthew and Alex as they come up into their young adulthood. I'm sad for BJ that he is the prototype of trial and error; learning the hard way with my son.

He needs to be around a man that can really understand him. Someone he is willing to open up to. His dad is not in a relationship with him. They hardly speak. There is so much that I can share with him that can help him, and encourage him, but remember - I'm a woman. That doesn't stop me from sharing and being there. Its these seeds being planted now that he will absorb later. I think about right now. There is a pastor that I met who would like to play basketball with BJ. I have heard wonderful things about him, and his story would allow BJ to connect with him - fast. He is an excellent teacher. I just need to get the ball rolling. There I go again. (Occasional control freak flare up - anxiety driven). God will put the time and place together. He hasn't forgotten. At least I am awake now. That glaze that satan dangled over my eyes is gone. I can pray for BJ.

Went to the library yesterday and picked up Quiet Strength, by Tony Dungy (), for BJ. I started reading it at the kitchen table last night; its written in a way that allows me to instantly can connect with his message. As (former) head coach of the Indianapolis Colts, he experienced huge trajedy in losing his oldest son to suicide, a year shy of his team winning the super bowl. Through that experience he was able to put together a book about what it takes to be a real hero.

BJ has huge dreams, and I believe God puts certain desires in our hearts, so we can look to Him for them. He loves to bless us with our hearts desire (when it lines up with what he has for us). I believe BJ can be a great basketball or football player that God can use to fulfill His plans. I believe his shyness can become God's boldness. He will be courageous, fearless, honest, and consumed with power; BJ's continual access to the Father will reap just that. I believe this book will spark a desire to do that. I have been prompted to get it, for the past two years; its time I obeyed.

He just needs to start reading it.